From Shame to Support: What Families Can Do About Gambling Problems
- Adam Watling
- Jul 1
- 4 min read
Gambling addiction, often called the “hidden illness,” can quietly take hold of a person’s life without visible signs. Family members are often left confused, hurt, and unsure how to help. While the instinct to intervene is natural, how you offer your support can significantly impact your loved one’s recovery journey.
Below are key principles and techniques that can guide you in supporting a family member with a gambling problem
1. Listen Without Pressure or Interrogation
Why it matters:
Gambling is often deeply rooted in shame. Many people who gamble problematically feel a sense of failure or embarrassment, which causes them to hide their behaviour, withdraw from relationships, and fall further into the cycle.
How you can help:
Create a safe, judgment-free space for conversation.Focus on being available, not demanding answers.Let them know you’re there:
“If you’re ever struggling, I want you to know I’m always here to talk.”
This is more effective than:“You need to tell me what’s going on.”
The goal is to keep the door open—so when they are ready, they feel safe walking through it.
2. Offer Support – Not Judgment
Why it matters:
When someone feels judged or punished, they are less likely to open up. For someone struggling with gambling, criticism or blame can intensify shame and actually increase the risk of relapse.
How you can help:
Avoid accusatory language or harsh ultimatums.Try to separate the person from the behavior.Use statements like:“I’m concerned because I care about you.”rather than“Why would you do this to us?”
Supportive encouragement helps foster accountability without alienation.
3. Help Them Understand the Consequences – Gently and Compassionately
Why it matters:
Someone in the grip of gambling may struggle to see the full impact of their actions—especially if they’re using gambling as an escape from emotional distress.
How you can help:
Talk about the real-life consequences in a calm, compassionate tone:
Emotional: depression, anxiety, guilt
Financial: debt, missed payments, borrowing
Social: lying, isolation, loss of trustRelational: conflict, secrecy, disconnection
Reinforce that these consequences are serious, but recovery is possible:
“I know things feel overwhelming now, but things can get better. You’re not alone, and we can take steps together.”
4. Be Patient and Stay Connected
Why it matters:
Change rarely happens overnight. A person with a gambling addiction may have periods of relapse or denial before they move toward lasting recovery.
How you can help:
Continue reaching out even if they seem distant.Don’t monitor or control them obsessively—it may push them further away.Offer encouragement and small moments of connection without focusing solely on the gambling problem.
“Just checking in to see how you’re doing.”
can go a long way toward reminding them they are cared for and not defined by their addiction.
5. Encourage Professional Support
Why it matters:
While family support is powerful, professional help is often necessary to deal with the root causes of gambling addiction—such as trauma, anxiety, or unresolved emotional pain.
How you can help:
Gently suggest therapy or peer support groups like Gamblers Anonymous (GA) or Gam-Anon (for family members).Offer to attend a session with them, or help them research therapists who specialize in addiction.Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure.
“You don’t have to do this alone. There are people trained to help—and I’ll be with you every step of the way if you want.”
Additional Tips for Family Members
Take care of yourself:
Supporting someone through addiction is emotionally taxing. Consider support groups for yourself (e.g., Gam-Anon) or talk to a counselor.Set healthy boundaries: Being supportive doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior. Be clear about what you will and will not accept.Celebrate progress: Recovery is a long road—acknowledge and validate even small steps forward.
Final Thoughts
Helping a family member with a gambling problem is not about fixing them—it’s about standing beside them as they find their way. Your role is to create a compassionate, consistent, and supportive presence. While recovery is their journey, knowing they have someone in their corner makes all the difference.
If you’re feeling unsure where to begin, remember this: connection, not control, is the most powerful antidote to addiction.
I’m a qualified psychotherapist with experience supporting individuals who are struggling with gambling addiction and its ripple effects—whether emotional, financial, or relational. I understand that gambling can feel like a private battle, often carried in silence and shame. My approach is non-judgmental and compassionate, helping clients explore the root causes of their gambling behavior while building tools for lasting change and emotional resilience.
Therapy offers a space to speak openly, without fear of criticism, and to begin the process of healing—not just from gambling, but from the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that fuel it. Whether you’re at the beginning of your recovery journey or have tried to stop before, I offer a safe, supportive environment to help you move forward.
If you or a loved one is seeking support, you can find and contact me through the Counselling Directory, where my full profile and contact details are available.